1. |
Porcelain
04:05
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I am porcelain
I am radiating
All the things that I hate about me
I want to be warm
I don’t want to control everything
Maybe I should stay home
I don’t want perform for them
I am wearing a white dress
I know what they are thinking
They’re wrong it doesn’t fit me
They don’t know anything about me
I don’t belong anywhere
I’m always a stranger
Everyone’s mistaken
I hate to be on display for them
With no ink on my skin
Do they think that I’m artless?
I want to be unseen until people know me
I want to be unseen until people know me
I am wearing a white dress
I know what they are thinking
They’re wrong it doesn’t fit me
They don’t know anything about me
If I'm worthless
I don't want to know it
If I'm weak
I don't want to be
If no one knows me
Am I anybody?
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2. |
Trauma Hoarding
04:47
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The garbage is leaking
It’s staining the countertops
With sewage pouring onto the floor
I’ll leave it to dry
Buy a cage for my animals
So what I’m a hoarder
Emptiness kills me
Thought I was treated for rabies
Nothing could stop it
From growing inside me
I cannot clean anything up
I have lost hold
I’m still hiding in the bedroom
With my brothers and the tv
So we can’t hear the screams
I swore off of the first floor
But now with the fire to fear
I’m here on the first floor
It’s all coming back
My mom with a broom in her hand
Beating the bat’s brains
Out of its head
I cannot clean anything up
Blank stares at the television
Oh how distracting
Thought I was treated for rabies
Nothing could stop it
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3. |
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We’re breaking down
We’re slowly corroding
Our biblical mind is decomposing
Falling for excess
Falling for function
We are the chief in our own subversion
The beeping’s getting louder
Drown it out
With the sound of something else
So scared of the sick
So scared of the twisted
Till we succumb to the folly, it’s futile to resist it
Choke down the sense
We’re slowly dying
Oblivion helps to keep us alive here
The beeping’s getting louder
Drown it out
With the sound of something else
Losing touch
Reckoning with the shadows
Till the light is disposable and hollow
When the power goes out
We’ll still live for tomorrow
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4. |
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If you’ve seen the fire
Meet me in the town square
I’ll be wearing gloves and
Making shadow puppets on the city hall wall
We can celebrate however you like
I just want to talk
Before the dice are rolled again
And maybe this time we’ll all be dead
Sweet smell of plastic
This must be a dream
Maybe I am just dying again
This is not how I imagined it
When the sun is going down
Find me hiding in my house
With the tv on but
Barely watching it at all
Can’t pay too much attention
Because of all the palpitations
Try to fall asleep
But I’m too afraid that I will never wake up again
Sweet smell of plastic
This must be a dream
Maybe I am just dying again
This is not how I imagined it
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5. |
Speeding
05:38
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I can’t survive in the present
My mind always prevents it
I keep moving and that keeps me calm
Till I realize I’m not moving, I’m falling
I have no control over anything at all
I wasn’t always so anxious
I know just how I became this
I can’t carry all of the blame
I was only eighteen when I started
I wish somebody had stopped me
I’m just what I wanted to be
So why don’t I like me
When I was young, I saw that I wasn’t enough
I grew envious of everyone
I learned that I was flawed
I swallowed all of the lies I was told
And bargained my soul away
I used to laugh harder than anyone
I’d get kicked from my classes when I couldn’t stop
I didn’t realize that was my dissent
Against a world that made me feel like I was worthless
Now that I can focus, I have no fight left
I’m just what I wanted to be
So why don’t I like me
I don’t know if living like this is worth it
If there’s anything better, I don’t deserve it
I wouldn’t jump in front of a train
But I’d do this all over again
And it’s just the same action in slow motion
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6. |
It's All the Same
06:26
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There’s been a parasite inside my ears
For seven years
I only feel it at night
When the buzzing gets quiet and the bitter kicks in
He tells me a story and I actually hear it
It’s all the same
When the orange takes me away
I remember the first time I swallowed the brine
It blistered my throat as it shrunk my insides
Everything was black
But tunnels beaming from my eyes
At last I felt a purpose as I made way towards the light
But the tunnels gotten darker
Now I can’t see outside
It’s all the same
When the orange takes me away
Slow down
My hands are gloved in a silicone crust
Love feels so sterile
When you can’t feel a touch
I’m withering in blue
My blood’s running out
In a blanket of mold my flesh has gone sour
What’s left of me now?
It’s all the same
When the orange takes me away
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Jakals Boston, Massachusetts
Indie rock but not exactly
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